Written by IainB
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Sunday, 1 April 2012

image for Herbert Saddoh marries blow-up doll, first wife not happy
Cindy's bar code

Herbert Saddoh of Dorking has married his favourite blow-up doll, Cindy nee Mark Three, in a civic ceremony at Dorking Town Hall. Unfortunately, Saddoh is now being sued by his first wife, Cindy nee Mark Two, whom he failed to divorce prior to the service.

The wedding to Cindy nee Mark Three was attended by Saddoh and two of his closest friends, Candi Realmouth and Susan Vintage, with witness dragged in off the street to be abhorred and appalled by the whole spectacle.

"I suppose," said Janice McManus, who was one of the witnesses, "he is happy in his own way, although I fail to see what she sees in him."

Shortly after the ceremony, it transpired that Saddoh was already married, to an older model of Cindy, and that he had not got a divorce, making him a bigamist.

Neil Dury is the lawyer acting on behalf of Cindy nee Mark Two.

"My client maintains that she was and is married to Herbert Saddoh," said Dury. "She has certainly not signed any divorce papers. Cindy feels like she has been abandoned and left out with the plastic recycling by this callous cad of a husband. Cindy has been completely faithful to Mr Saddoh, and has complied with all of his wishes. Except for cooking as she is not to be exposed to a naked flame."

Saddoh was unavailable for comment, as he and his new wife were on honeymoon in Aberystwyth. Close friend, Candi Realmouth was deflated at the news of Saddoh's first wife, and could only hiss.

Dorking police are looking into the case of bigamy, which is a misdemeanour in Norwich, but a capital offence in the rest of the country.

"We have been unable to find the marriage certificate for either marriage," said Handle Barr, chief constable at Dorking's Flying Squad. "Mr Saddoh has covered his tracks well, but mark my words: once we find them he's going darrrrn."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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