Veteran mature internet dating woman, Cindy Lott, 56, from Hackney has finally announced on her Arsebook wall that after six months of desperate searching, she finally struck gold and copped off with a garage mechanic in the back of a white Transit van in a supermarket car park, on Cambridge Heath Road, in London's Whitechapel.
And she also revealed that she hadn't even made contact with him as a result of her numerous internet postings of pictures revealing her in her very best erotic lingerie, posed against skips up Well Street and Loddiges Road!
Contact was apparently initiated when she took her VW Golf to a garage in nearby London Fields, and the cheeky pork pie hat wearing garage mechanic told her that she had a fine pair of bumpers, although they were in desperate need of a good soaping, and asked her if she'd been experiencing problems with her clutch, as it appeared to be a bit slack.
The somewhat cheeky ensuing discourse had Cindy asking the cocky garage mechanic (Also known as a Motor Vehicle Technician, or a Grumblevid Connoisseur) if he'd seen her piccys on the internet, and if he was having a spot of bother with his hard drive.
A liaison was hurriedly and thoughtlessly arranged in the supermarket car park, at which point, according to Cindy's account of events, a satisfactory bout of mattress bashing was enjoyed by both parties.
"He was a proper gent," Cindy told a Skoob News reporter. "He had a mattress in the back of the van, Michael Buble playing on the radio, a West Ham scarf hanging from the roof, and a four pack of Special Brew in a cooler bag. I was blown away mate, I can tell yer. Mind you, when he started singing 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles' and shouting 'Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!' at the top of his bleedin' voice, I must admit that I did have me doubts. But having said that - it was the best two minutes I've had in a long time!"
Skoob News received a call shortly after we spoke to Cindy from a motor vehicle technician who also operates from a garage in London Fields.
"It wasn't me, guv," said a man claiming to be Clive Danton. Of Innit Motors, Bethnal Green. "I don't do munters mate. Just cause I 'ave a white Transit...means nuffink mate innit! Can't 'ave bin me anyway coz I wuz 'avin a freesome wiv Tulisa aht of N-Dubz and that Cheryl Cole sort. Huzzah Huzzah Huzzah! And let me tell yer - it went on for longer than two bleedin' minutes! It was probably that Shuttlecock geezer wot blew his custard wiv der Cindy sort. He's like that, him. All marf n trarsers."
More as we get it. Innit guv. Ooh - that's gonna cost yer mate.