One of the mature women featured on obscure comedy website, TheSpoof.co.uk has grown tired of appealing for a date, and has demanded that she be given, in her own words: "A bloody good seeing to."
Elsie Freckle, 54, of Littlehampton announced that she's sick and tired of uploading pictures of herself onto websites dressed in scanty lingerie and posing draped across a bed, leaning against her back fence, and up against skips up back alleys and in pub car parks.
She is convinced that asking for a date is futile, as a date implies dinner in an expensive restaurant and drinks in an upmarket wine bar, which appears impractical within the current economic climate. Especially when all she is really craving is a good seeing to.
"I've decided to grab the bull by the horns," Elsie told Skoob News. "The thing is, I'm not really all that keen on being wined and dined. All I want is a right good seeing to, so if any of your readers are up for it, tell them to drop me a line or give me a bell. End of. I'm bloody gagging for it, I am. In fact, I'm so desperate that I'll even take me glasses off and keep me teeth in. I'll even supply the viagra and do a full English brekkie in the morning if he's worth it."
Anyone who is seriously interested in taking Elsie up on her offer should send an email to email@example.com
All enquiries will be treated in the strictest confidence.
More when she gets it.