Written by Darwin
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Topics: Sex, Parrot, Carpets

Saturday, 31 March 2012

image for Carpet Fitter Hailed A Hero
'It's what anybody would have done'

A carpet fitter from North Kensington, London, has been hailed a hero after having sex with his neighbour's parrot, Charlie, to calm it down during a fit of rage. Adam Wells, 32, dashed to the rescue of eighty-two-year-old Olive Lilley after Charlie, a six-year-old Amazon, went berserk and turned on his owner.

'He's my hero,' says Olive. 'I'm scared to imagine what would have happened if Adam hadn't come to my aid.'

'Charlie and I were watching Coronation Street together as usual when he had one of his tantrums. Before I knew it he was tearing out clumps of my hair and trying to peck out my eyeballs. I still love him, but he can be a devil at times.'

Adam was bloody, bruised and covered in scratches but was 'feeling refreshed' after the four-hour sex session. Says Adam: 'I heard Olive screaming and ran to the rescue. I managed to wrestle Charlie to the ground then remembered the book The Joy of Sex, which my grandad bought me for Christmas. After about ten minutes, I'd managed to turn the fight into a passionate embrace and we were kissing like a pair of old Parisian lovers. We must have tried about twenty different sex positions. It was fun but hard work.'

'It's what anybody would have done,' he adds modestly.

A video of the incident has become an internet sensation after Adam's best friend, Colin Heath, filmed and uploaded it to YouTube with dubbed-over romantic music.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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