In a move that is certain to delight everyone who lives on this beautiful island, our beloved and inventive government has come up with yet another brilliant way to raise more money for them to spend wisely.
The sunlight tax bill is due to be debated early next week in parliament by our hugely respected MP's. It is expected to garner 100% support across party lines and should come into effect just in time for summer.
This wonderful idea was dreamt up by our superb Prime Minister, David Cameron, and is exactly what we need to give an extra boost to our already thriving economy.
Newly appointed Minister for Daylight Robbery, Richard Turpin, claims it is exactly what this country needs as people have too much money which they are wasting on frivolous things like housing, food, drink, medicine and clothing.
We all know that the best place for our money is in the governments hands as they are excellent at being thrifty and never waste any money whatsoever.
The proposal will mean every property will be fitted with a 'Sun Meter' which will record exactly how many hours of sunlight have been enjoyed by the individual households. Each hour of sunlight will be known as a s-unit and be charged at 50p.
According to a report commissioned by our undeniably genial government, we are consuming so much sunlight that it could run out in as little as 80 years. The report by the Sunlight Hours Information Think-tank (S.H.I.T) is unquestionably 100% accurate and beyond reproach.
In my position as a lowly, humble reporter, I can say with complete honesty that I can't wait to hand over more of my pitiful salary to our millionaire politicians safe in the knowledge that it will be spent with the utmost frugality. I am sure that all of you reading this will agree unequivically.
God bless our tremendous government and all their well thought out fantastic ideas.