Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 27 March 2012

image for "Jailing Internet/Twitter/Facebook Trolls Is Not The Answer" Says Local Man
Am I Bovvered? I Ain't Bovvered!

In a studied response to the revelation that a Twitter troll of the internet persuasion has been locked up for eight weekendless weeks, after Twitter-trolling the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Bolton Wanderers defender Fabrice Muamba's disturbing collapse at White Hart Lane, during a Premiership football fixture...

Local man Martin Shuttlecock has spoken.

"I can't believe they banged the dipshit up," Shuttlecock said. "That just costs me and other taxpayers even more of our hard earned dosh. I mean, lookin' after the knobhead in Strangeways and putting him on suicide watch and that. So how does that work?"

A spokesman for a government stink tank announced that any form of nasty and outrageously offensive racist or sexist nonsense will be tenaciously pursued and prosecuted by the law, and in extremis will probably result in the offenders being picked up and paraded around the streets on the back of a flat-bed truck and summarily shot. With bullets fired out of guns.

Like what they've never, ever done in China, Despite what some Chinese people might tell you.

"Overkill is that," Shuttlecock said. "Internet trolls are a bit crap really, and they aren't half as scary as they'd have you believe. There's no need to LOCK THEM UP IN PRISON though, even when they threaten to set the law on you for INFECTING THEIR COMPUTERS WITH VIRUSES when they were logging on to suspect websites with DODGY content. The thing is, they feed on feedback, and if they see they're getting to you, they're like a rabid Rottweiler with a bone. They're best just ignored. They're usually silly bastards with nothing to contribute anyway."

Close friend of Shuttlecock's, legendary Yorkshire chips and gravy and no VAT on pies campaigner, Ken Mither, added as an addition and an addendum at the end of this column:

"Our Martin reckons he's bulletproof when it comes to trolls and stuff. And he's probably right, at that. I once got targetted by an internet stalker me'sen, burra just ignored it - even when she said I were an elephant molestin' gay, cross-dressing pre-op transsexual sheep shaggin' paedophile serial killer. And published me picture and me real name and stuff. When I found out that she used Oxo cubes, it were 'Game Over' - I can't be doin' wi' folk what dont appreciate proper gravy. So I blocked her on me arsebook and that. Along wi' all the other trollish tossers. Hey - trollish tossers - I could make a campaign slogan aht o' that!"

Even Gary Glitter thinks trolls are shit. And according to sources, he maintains that they'll end up in isolation - on the outside, trying to look in, as they feverishly scratch the glass.

But the general concensus is that prison is a bridge too far.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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