Written by IainB
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Monday, 26 March 2012

image for Royal Wedding merchandise floods eBay
This is the last William and Kate hamster left for sale. The rest are dead.

Large handled mugs, mismatched saucers, too small plates, celebratory foot muffs and Wills and Kate wigs are just some of the items that have been appearing on eBay over recent weeks. All of the items have one thing in common, they are Royal Wedding merchandise.

"Far too much merchandise was produced for the Royal Wedding," said Michael Middleton, Kate's father and Wedding Merchandise Manufacturer. "In hindsight, this was obvious."

Many separate companies were involved in producing the merchandise, including several based in countries that have never heard of Kate and William, such as Wales.

"If every man, woman and child had purchased a complete dining service, three flags, two comedy wigs and a commemorative fez," said Mr Middleton, "then this would have made a dent in the masses of goods produced, but it wouldn't have taken them all."

Months after the Royal Wedding there are still warehouses full of items showing William and Kate's faces. Interest in the wedding has waned recently, and this has made it increasingly difficult to sell yo-yos and frisbees with the crests of the two houses on.

"We've turned to eBay to try and get rid of the last few items," said Michael. "When I say last few, I do of course mean the last few thousand. If it is successful then we may try flogging some of the items that we bought ourselves to get stock moving."

Unfortunately, despite being available at knock down prices on the auction website, the items are still not shifting.

"I can't believe that everybody in the world already has a Royal Wedding teapot," said Mike. "Yet not a one of these has been sold. If anybody reading this could take a Kate and Wills bouncy castle off our hands, we'd be most grateful."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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