Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Sunday, 25 March 2012

image for Local Expert In Frame For Top Arts Job
Some art yesterday.

A local art historian and critic is among the names being touted to be the next chair of Arts Council England.

Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit will be up against television presenter, political pundit and former Tory MP Michael Portillo, and TV mogul Peter Bazalgette, the man who brought us, among others, Big Brother.

The job will become available in May when current chair, Dame Liz Forgan, steps down at the request of Culture Secretary and famous rhyming slang subject, Jeremy Hunt.

Ms Gainsborough-Halfwit has become a celebrated art critic with her insightful pieces penned for the EIF News & Features organisation. She has been praised in high circles for her work on the Pre-Raphaelites, John Martin, and the recent Da Vinci exhibition at the National Gallery.

She said yesterday: "Ooh - it's nice isn't it. I'm so excited. Do you think I'll have a big desk?

"Maybe daddy will stop banging on about 'a proper job' now. And you wait 'til I tell that stuck-up Jenny Wattling-Daub... she'll be like sooo jealous!

"I'll probably be able to go to exhibitions and not have to rub against all those horrid oiks with their toddlers and wheelchairs."

A government insider said: "It's like, y'know, nothing's certain yet, but I'd be like, reeeeeally gobsmacked if Pros didn't get the job."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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