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Saturday, 24 March 2012

image for Little Bo Peep charged with Capital murder in East Sussex!
Four of Little Bo Peep's sheep before the slaughter (File photo)

NINFIELD, EAST SUSSEX (ABSNN) - Little Bo Peep, the unfortunate stewardess of sheep in this small East Sussex enclave did not lose her sheep, not according to the Lord High Sheriff of Ninfield. "She killed them, everyone," claimed the arrest warrant executed Saturday. Ms. Peep has been remanded to the custody of the Sheriff without bail.

Little Bo Peep has lost many possessions over the years. She lost seven husbands, scores of lovers (both male and female), scads of cash, diamonds, gold and silver, plus some fine French plated wear, and most recently her looks and freedom.

"She used to be such a pretty young thing," said a neighbor, Madeline Furthwaite. "Nobody ever thought she had told anything but the truth about the loss of her flocks," she said.

"In fact, we told her to leave them alone and they'd come home wagging their tails behind them," said a former mentor (and some suspect her first lover) Reginald Whitcombe.

"She was just like any other neighbor. No one would suspect her of being a serial killer," said another neighbor who wished to remain anonymous.

"One now wonders about the deaths of so many husbands and lovers," said John Standoffish, her next door neighbor for decades.

"She may have done a bit of smuggling; but then we all did a bit of that in the old days," Standoffish said.

Evidence of the murdered sheep was uncovered during the excavations of the Roman ruins reported to be near Ninfield said the authorities. The scattered heap of sheep and lamb bones had evidence of knife marks deep into the neck vertebrae they said.

"As Ms. Peep claims to be indigent the Court is looking into securing her the services of an aged death penalty qualified solicitor. She will be tried under the capital murder laws in effect at the time of the crime.

"Hanging's too good fer her," said old Mrs. Furthwaite.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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