Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Kids, Smoking, Parents, ADHD

Saturday, 24 March 2012

image for Scandal As Kids Smoke 40 Tabs A Day, and more.

Reports that an eight year old Indonesian boy has quit school, because it interferes with his ability to smoke 40 cigarettes a day, have caused global disgust and outrage, or at the very least upset a few Daily Mail readers.

The boy's mother funds his habit by allowing him 5,000 rupiah (30p) a day to buy his smokes. If she refuses, his tantrums and aggression soon persuade her otherwise.

Child health experts and the anti-smoking lobby in the UK are outraged that Indonesia continues to have such lax tobacco laws and allows such a situation to exist.

However, Dr Orville Belch, who is a GP in Hackney in North London, sees it somewhat differently. Dr Belch told us "I have several problem youngsters on my patient list, all of whom make this Indonesian lad look like a positive fucking lightweight. An example is, for the purposes of confidentiality I shall refer to him as, Child A. Now, six year old Child A's parents are convinced he has ADHD. He smokes 60 cigarettes a day, drinks six cans of White Lightning cider, commits two or three robberies a day and has fathered 12 children. He also has learning difficulties and does not understand the meaning of the word 'no'. Whilst, his ADHD diagnosis is far from conclusive, I am considering prescribing him 60 B&H a day, as it will be cheaper than Ritalin in the long run".

Child A's parents were invited to comment on their son's behaviour. Their response cannot even be printed here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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