Written by IainB
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Friday, 23 March 2012

image for Ambulance service gears up for its busiest day of the year
If you leave your watch on GMT, you'll arrive everywhere late.

The British ambulance service has cancelled all leave for Monday morning as it gets ready for Black Spot Monday, the day of the year when there are more road traffic accidents than any other.

"It's the same every year around this time," said ambulance co-ordinator for Bristol, Neil Gnaw. "We don't expect this Monday to be any different."

Ambulance crews blame the change to British Summer Time, which traditionally happens the day before Black Spot Monday on the Sunday.

"People are going to and from work in daylight," said Gnaw. "Suddenly, they wake up and it's still dark. Added to this, there's very little chance they went to bed at their usual time, so they'll be very tired. This combination results in five times as many road traffic accidents as any other Monday."

The national society for statistics has insisted that the five times more was made up on the spot by Gnaw, and the number is actually much higher, although they would only give their number in standard deviations, which nobody understood.

Gnaw, and other ambulance co-ordinators are urging the government to ditch British Summer Time.

"We don't propose replacing it with Swedish Summer Time, or anything," said Gnaw. "Just scrapping it all together. It's a simple thing to do, and would save fifty or sixty needless deaths a year."

The Society for the Preservation of the Status Quo (and not the Society for the Preservation of Status Quo, which is an action group to ensure the 70s rockers carry on playing), has insisted that losing British Summer Time would result in people not getting an extra hour in bed in October.

"This would be a gross violation of our human rights," said Francis Rossi, who runs both The Society for the Preservation of the Status Quo and the Society for the Preservation of Status Quo. "Keep Summer Time British!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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