Written by flustercluck
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Friday, 23 March 2012

image for "The Apprentice" exposed as a front for A4E

As the business affairs of public funding money pit A4E continue to be scrutinised, new and far more damaging information has come to light. It appears that every one of the thousands of applicants to this year's series of "The Apprentice" was registered as a job seeker with A4E. The company later claimed that each of the applicants had successfully completed at least 13 weeks work placement, which resulted in millions of pounds of taxpayers' money being paid to the Sheffield based wannabe job centre.

Our researchers managed to trace one of the candidates, unemployed wheelie bin sanitiser, Duncan Frottle from Stockton on Tees. We invited him to comment on the matter but Duncan appeared to be unable to string together a coherent sentence and was far more interested in eating his own shoe laces. It appears that Mr. Frottle made it through to the final 50 candidates and only narrowly missed out on a place on the show.

Ex government consultant fat lass Emma Harrison, the founder of A4E was unavailable for comment today. Staff at her sprawling Thornbridge Hall estate reported that she was last seen running towards the state-of-the-art panic room built into the basement of the main house.

Chirpy cockney nouveau baron Alan Sugar claims to know nothing about the scam. We caught up with him at an international trade show in Peckham where he was demonstrating Amstrad's new range of Betamax fixed line telephones. When asked about the scandal he responded;

"Naah naah naah me old china, I'm not even offering the winner a job - it's an investment. That way I can save on the National Insurance contributions. As for the accusations that I signed a load of forms for that bunch of chancers at A4E, it's all a load of tosh. Never sign anything me - don't like to get me dabs on any official paperwork. Now bugger off and let me flog some of this gear."

For the real truth behind "The Apprentice" read Alan Sugar's celebrity diary exclusively here on The Spoof.

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