In the dullest football match ever endured at Upton Park West Ham secured a 2-0 win over the Government. This was due to two own goals scored by Government Right Back George Osbore.
The own goals were so gruesome they are now prize exhibits on the internet where they have been viewed by 20 million people.
Osbore, faced by the oldest West Ham player, decided to pass the ball back to goalkeeper Cameron. Cameron, in the midst of an argument with Left Back Nick Clegg, allowed the ball to trickle between his legs into the goal.
The next own goal involved Osbore trying to gain an accolade from the Government's wealthy supporters with an overhead kick. But he misjudged the bounce of the ball and it landed in the West Ham net.
West Ham Manager, Sam Allardyce, claimed the victory for the Hammers justified his tactics of never attacking the opposition in home games, just waiting for the opponents to make mistakes.
Osbore has been openly chastised by Government Directors Dailly Mail and Timothy Telegraft but is unlikely to budge from his place in sun.