Written by IainB
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Friday, 23 March 2012

image for Kate Middleton has the painters in
Kate has spilled her red wine

Kate nee Middleton has got the decorators in this week, what with Aunt Flo coming to visit, she felt it was the right time of the month to put a bit of colour in the house.

"Aunt Flo is quite demanding about décor," said interior decorator, Tim O'Munth. "It has to be just so. This is a bigger job this time around, what with Kate spilling her red wine on the rug."

It is expected that Kate will be taking her aunt out to paint the town red, something the pair have done since Kate turned fourteen, at least monthly. With it finally raining down south, they will be expected to spend time indoors. With the circus in town, they had hoped to visit to see Mr Grumpy the clown. Special Services have red flagged the event, and put up a red light stopping this jaunt.

"Now she is a woman," said Kate's close friend, Sanita Towell, "she feels these connections more strongly, and likes to periodically have a special womanly time with her Aunt Flo."

One possible stop off for the pair this time around may be to ride Cotton the pony at Prince Charles's stables, although there may not be enough time with the Cardinal's visit also scheduled for this week. His visits always come with strings attached, so Kate is expecting to be out of action for a while.

"Kate is a keen horse rider," said Towell. "She is keen to get back into the saddle again, although she doesn't know when this will be."

"When the hysteria of Aunt Flo's visit has blown over," said Kate's personal assistant, Eve Sissues, "Kate will resume her normal duties. Unless of course, she's menstruating."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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