Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Friday, 23 March 2012

image for Neapolitan Police Service Savaged by Animal Rights Watchdog Over Shooting of Crazed Dog
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The Neapolitan Police Service today came under fire from an animal rights watchdog, following the shooting in East London of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Prior to the shooting, the crazed dog had viciously savaged five police officers, some of whom will never be able to look man's best friend in the eye again.

Arthur Schnauser, a spokesman for the Whitechapel Popular Front Against Police Brutality To Dangerous Dogs, said "This shooting was senseless and totally avoidable. All they needed to do was chuck the poor creature a Bonio, or distract him with a tennis ball. But no, their response was to put four 9mm rounds in the dog's head".

Mr Schnauser went on to say, "This dog was known to us and was on an 'at risk' register. He had suffered a traumatic childhood, being separated from his parents and brothers and sisters at an early age. He was then bought by an abusive and uncaring man, who could not afford to feed him because he spent all his money on tattoos and lager. We were sufficiently concerned for the dog's welfare, that we took him to a local vet, who diagnosed him as having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. Of greater concern, was the fact that he had recently begun abusing his owner's steroids. Also, his apparent pathological hatred for the police seems to have stemmed from frequent police raids on the speed kitchen his owner ran at home. This dog needed help, not police brutality".

The Neapolitan Police Service was approached for a comment regarding the incident. A public relations officer told us, "Listen, we shoot a number of people every year, some of whom we don't mean to shoot. Mostly they are dyed in the wood crooks, occasionally they might be unarmed and innocent terror suspects, or just somebody who happens to be wearing a burqa, causing those around them to feel anxious. In this case, it is regrettable that a traumatised and abused creature has been the victim. The officers concerned have extended their apologies from their hospital beds".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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