Some of the finer details of the British budget that weren't previously announced by the Chancellor because he had to be home for lunch have now been released by the Treasury.
It was confirmed that dead people will no longer qualify for pension relief, and that both the undead and reality TV show contestants would be subject to an NDAT - or Nearly Dead Added Tax. This is due to take effect from Friday 13th.
In an effort to further reduce the budget deficit, MP's expenses allowances will now attract a special rate of 12%. It is expected that this will plug the gap caused by the £82 billion lent to the banks by the taxpayer within three months.
From the Summer, a RyanAir tax will apply to all tourists using budget airlines. A levy of 15% will apply to all the extra charges above and beyond the advertised price of all RyanAir and Jet2 flights. The Chancellor claims this will raise at least another £82 billion. Upon hearing the news, Michael O'Leary of RyanAir was said to be 'pig ignorant'.
From 1st April, a SAT or Sheep Added Tax will be applied at point of queuing for those with nothing better to do that stand on the High Street three days in advance of the newest iPad or over-expensive console game being released. A rate disproportionate to the new features over the previous model being queued for, will apply.