Written by CaptainSausage

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Monday, 19 March 2012

image for UK 'most internet-based economy'
Almost one in every ten Britons has now heard of the interweb

The UK has the world's largest proportion of its economy based on the internet, statistics revealed today, putting it ahead of other high tech advanced economies like Japan, Germany and the Vatican. Prime Minister David Cameron praised the news, saying it proved Britain was the most futuristic forward-looking country in the universe.

There are three main factors behind Britain's surprising appearance at the top of the list. First is the rise in internet shopping, especially the recent huge expansion in people buying their weekly groceries online. For Britain's army of obese cake-scoffing lard lovers, the internet is a godsend, relieving them of the needless exertion of actually going to the shops or the embarrassment of having to show their elephantine bodies in public.

Secondly, there has been an enormous rise in the number of websites catering for people who love looking at pictures of pies and other meat products. Called "porkography", it has spawned an industry all of its own. It is estimated the average British male thinks about meat once every 7 seconds, and there have been a number of high profile cases lately of people being fired from their jobs for downloading pictures of chops while at work.

Finally, Britain's hugely successful finance industry is largely internet-based, and the volume of online banking transactions in the UK ranks second only to Nigeria. As the country's beloved hedge fund managers and bankers gamble away all our savings over the web, let us be proud that they are putting Britain at the top of the charts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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