After an initial flurry by headhunting and recruitment parasites who quickly withdrew when they realised there was no commission in it, the official short list has been announced.
Chief Rabbi Lord Sachs who himself is retiring soon was in talks with HM the Queen and Archbishop Williams about a job swop. If the position remains unfilled, HM the Queen is seriously considering this option.
Nick Griffin. Well known racist thought to be sympathetic to the Church of England. The only slight negative is that he hates everyone else.
Rowan Atkinson aka Mr Bean. Because of the similarity of their names, it was felt this would be easier for old aged pensioners to get to grips with.
Nick Clegg. Currently deputy prime minister, but his candidacy was thought to be an amicable way to get him out of politics and more importantly, out of the prime minister's hair.
Alice Cooper. As the son of a preacher man, thought to be the best candidate for the job. Producing snakes and decapitating babies during his sermons might bring a resurgence of interest in church attendance, if only by members of the tabloid media.
Abu Qatada. The lunatic Muslim cleric will do anything to stay in the UK and sponge off the taxpayer.