Written by cheesedish
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Topics: Parliament, british

Friday, 17 March 2006

image for Parliament reposessed amid loan scandal
Parliament hushed as Baillffs enter House with warrant

The British people were waking up to the shock news this morning that the mother of all democracies has been repossessed by bailiffs following the non-payment of loans secured against future peerages by the previous tenant, believed to be a Mr T. Blair from the north east of England. Despite numerous letters and telephone calls from Mr Blair's loan company, they were reluctantly forced to serve an eviction notice against the Blair family after their communications remained unanswered, despite the Queens honours list being announced some time ago.

Alarmed neighbours picking their morning pintas up off their doorsteps looked on as
an ermine clad bailiff gently kicked in the front door of the House of Commons, in accordance with Parliamentary tradition, before a vanload of builders wearing ceremonial overalls eating caviar sandwiches and drinking from flasks of champagne hurriedly boarded up the windows of the historic building before departing after claiming they had ‘ A quick grouse shooting job to finish by next week'

Although friends of the Blairs were sympathetic to their current plight and wished them well, others were glad to see them go after claims that all night parliamentary sittings until the early hours of the morning had kept them awake until dawn " The sound of two jaguar cars spinning their wheels then racing each other and doing handbrake turns at the bottom of Whitehall became unbearable after a while" said one neighbour who wished to remain anonymous "It's about time people like that were forced to pay for their stupid behaviour in central London" he claimed while clutching his pet newt.

The future of the historic building remains uncertain this evening although rumours that up to three Scottish Lairds have shown an interest in purchasing the vacant property remain unfounded due to more than 600 sitting tenants who have claimed squatters rights and appear to be staying put for at least another four years

The exact whereabouts of the previous tenants also appear to be unclear at the moment despite the media interest surrounding their sudden departure. Rumours that they have returned to the north east of England have been dismissed after visits to working men's clubs and posh castles throughout the area, and speculation has continued to mount that they have found refuge abroad in a big white house in order to avoid the court order that forced them to leave England.

Despite the furore surrounding their hurried departure, a spokesman from a Grouse shooting party in the Scottish Highlands reminded anyone who happened to be listening that they should read the small print before entering into legally binding contracts with potential peers "Your Parliament is at risk if you do not keep up loan repayments on promised peerages " said one stereotypical Lord with a posh voice and handlebar moustache before finishing his Brandy, guffawing loudly, and falling over a recently shot beater.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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