Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 16 March 2012

image for Local Man Unwittingly Implicated In Junk Email Scam
The Dorking Review - Quality Email Stuff And That Innit

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, a cavalier literary Maverick, with a distinct Northern accent, a bad back and acrylic teeth, today revealed that for the second time this year, junk emails have been sent in his name to all his Farcebook friends and his email contacts.

Including chanteuse Cher Lloyd, who ditched him on Twatter following the first incident.

"It's serious is this," Shuttlecock opined. "There could be as many as four people affected by this email scam. Whoever engineered it certainly did their homework. I'm shattered, me. It's all I can do to walk to the fridge for a cold one."

It seems that a number of emails have been sent out purporting to come from Shuttlecock, using his nom-de-plume, "IAN YOUNGS" in the title of the dodgy spam message.

"They didn't come from me," Shuttlecock insisted. "They've obviously originated from some loony, who's taken one hit to the head too many with the 'TWATSTICK' It's disturbed me though. I'm probably less disturbed than I was at Christmas time, but disturbed is disturbed innit? I'm so disturbed by this violation of me private life that I've decided to go public, like, up the shops for a beer and that."

Skoob News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger, was of the opinion that the interweb harrassment is an integral part of a campaign designed to provoke Martin Shuttlecock into releasing another You Tube clip, featuring him smoking fags, supping beer, and talking absolute bollocks - occasionally in drag - like he did before, when his wife emptied a plate of spaghetti on his head, and on another occasion mashed his face with a shaving foam 'custard pie.'

"That won't happen," Ginslinger said. "Shuttlecock isn't Mario Balotelli, or even a City fan. He's not entirely mental. He's learned his lesson now, and he's steering well clear of You Tube. And internet nutjobs."

"Don't you believe it," long suffering wife Anne opined. "If I decide he's making another You Tube piss-head video, he's doing it. When I shout 'frog' these days, that fucker jumps. Through hoops if necessary."

Ole!

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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