London - Exposed as a Papist turncoat Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams resigned today and is said to be considering his career options as a pole dancer at the Vatican's Purple Pussycat lapdancing club.
"He'll need a damn good shave of course to perform in his new (Desmond) tu-tu, heheh," long-suffering wife Jane told reporters outside Lambeth Palace this afternoon, "still, the money's good and he can always opt to be paid in frankincense."
Williams fell on his ecclesiastical sword after it emerged he had out-performed every dodgy UK pastor involved in sham marriages during his 24 year career as a bent cleric.
Career highlights include marrying Prince Charles three times - first to brain-dead Ozzie socialite Lady Kanga Tryon (with whom he spawned Chelsea FC owner Roman Abramovich), then to Lady Diana Spencer lookalike Rose Geli (niece of P2 Lodge Grand Master Licio) and finally to Camilla, Prince Philip's daughter from his three-year shagathon with Lady Antonia Fraser.
Williams is set to be replaced by the Rev Margery Simpson who is set to become he world's first ever female Archbishop of Canterbury.
"The Pope will have a fit of course," a Lambeth Palace tarot card reader explained.
"Wanna see pix of Rowan in his fishnets gyrating his hips to the strains of 'I Will Survive', heheh?"
God's Banker Roberto Calvi has been dead for nearly 30 years.