Written by CaptainSausage
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Topics: NASA, moon, Lost, mini

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

image for Satnav error led driver to Moon
Is Ernie Fudge the first Briton on the Moon?

Ernie Fudge, 67, got more lost than he could ever have expected today, when an inexplicable error in his car's satellite navigation system led him to drive his Mini to the Moon. A NASA spacecraft is being readied to rescue him.

Mr Fudge, of Dorking, bought the satnav last week from a reputable local company on the internet. He bought it especially as it was the only one he could find which featured the voice of Ed Miliband before his nose surgery.

He says that he was driving to Itchingfield to visit his bunion doctor. He was cruising along the A264 quite normally when Mr Miliband ordered him, "Turn right in 50 yards." Fudge did as he was told, and before he knew it he was on the Moon.

"I was expecting to see open countryside ahead of me," he explained. "Suddenly everything went dark, and I couldn't believe it when instead I found myself in a crater on the Moon. Fortunately I had remembered to close the windows, or I might have had problems breathing."

Mr Fudge was somehow able to get a signal on his mobile phone, and he called his doctor immediately to cancel his appointment. He then phoned the police for help, before opening a packet of cheese and pickle sandwiches to eat while he waited.

The rescue trip is expected to take up to two weeks, as NASA do not have a space shuttle available. They will need to bring one of their old Moon landers out of retirement and use a Russian launcher to get there. It is estimated there is enough oxygen in Mr Fudge's Mini to keep him alive for that long if he stays unconscious the whole time.

However, a British scientist has said there may be a quicker way to reach the wayward pensioner. Professor Timothy Inchcock of Crawley University says that there must be some kind of wormhole on the edge of Itchingfield which leads directly to the Moon. If Inchcock's wormhole theory is correct, then not only could Fudge's rescue be much faster, but Britain would have an undisputed advantage in the space race for the first time since 1892.

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised that Mr Fudge will get a hero's welcome on his return. If his Moon trip is confirmed, then Britain will be only the second nation to have sent a man to the moon. Fudge is already the first astronaut sent into space using only British-made technology, albeit by mistake.

One person who is critical of the furore is Mr Fudge's wife, Doris. She insisted, "He's probably just driven into a ditch again. He did that last week and he was convinced he was on Mars."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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