Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 15 March 2012

image for London axeman disgusted by 'discriminatory' Goldman Sachs career opportunities
Got a nice little earner in the City for you, George...

London - A mystery axeman sought for the 1987 hit on a London private eye** has voiced his disgust at a US banker's comments about discriminatory career path opportunities at Goldman Sachs.

Speaking via an anonymous VOIP link self-styled professional executioner 'Sonny' Thatcher-Gorgonzola spoke of his dismay that the Off-the-Wall Street giant had ceased promoting axe murderers as a matter of policy.

"Used to be the only CV requirement," 'Gorgy' told QM-NewsCorpse sauces, "apart from a willingness to fleece clients and snort bucketfuls from the corporate coke stash."

His comments come following the resignation letter of a Goldman Executive Director deploring new company guidelines that sideline axe murderers from promotion.

Yesterday Greg Smith ruffled a lot of city feathers with his statement that 'If you make enough $$$s for the firm and are not currently an axe murderer you will be promoted into a position of affluence'.

A Canary Wharf meeting of the British Bonkers (sic) Association also lamented the dearth of suitably qualified hit-and-run pros willing to work in the City.

"You'd think what with the London riots and all that impossible to prosecute gangland talent our execution - er...executive! - needs would be fully met," Dave Arse-Likka of the First Drive-By-Shooting Capital Corporation commented.

"Wanna see pix of our Blind Beggar training ground revamp now that the bullets have been removed from the plasterwork?"

**Daniel Morgan's 1987 axe murder is still unsolved according to transcripts from this week's Leveson Inquiry.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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