Tampax, Florida - Wednesday 15 March 2006 - (Associated Mess): Amid scenes of unprecedented thunderous applause and public etoilation, Cherry Bush QC earned yet another well-deserved standing ovation and multi-million dollar pay cheque last night at the annual gathering of the Aryan Brotherhood chapter of the Ancient American Order of the Skull and Bones, Osteoporosis division.
Bowing gracefully before her lecture tour sponsors, a newly-botoxed and exfoliated Cherie clutched her Riggs Bank (Bogota branch) pay cheque and thanked the delighted audience for the money which, she noted wistfully, would come in very handy paying off the UK mortgages on her matrimonial investment assets.
Earlier in the evening, Cherie had thrillled her audience by invoking the original spirit of the Skull and Bones founding fathers when stating bluntly that the official Iraq War fatality figures were a total and utter fabrication: "We all know that the vast majority of Iraqi civilian casualties died of natural causes since the allied troops went in three years ago", she said. "Why? Because the mortuary certificates stated that the likely cause of death was because they stopped breathing!"
"Further, in line with other well-known hoaxes such as those currently championed by UK historian David Irving and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, we must be very careful before we randomly start believing spurious statistics published by the gutter press.
"Such fictional war accounts are a complete desecration of the universal principles of the Human Rights Act as I understand it", she said, "and should be exposed for what they really are: blatant propaganda for Skull and Bones deniers in the pay of revisionist forces trying to rewrite 21st century history".
Later, accepting a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society, Cherie admitted that without their forty years of moral guidance and financial sponsorship through academic scholarships, training bursaries, research grants and matrimonial buttressing support cheques she would have lead "a very different life indeed".
Tomorrow, Cherie heads off to Crawford, Texas to give the annual Enron Lecture on Humanitarian Global Survival Strategies which is being held in the General Pinochet Suite of the Heinrich Himmler Hotel, before spending a few days with President Bush and his family.
Although husband Tony is believed to be too busy wrestling with the vagaries of domestic phone-tapping complexities to be able join her in the States on this occassion, their eldest son Euan - an intern at the Republican-sponsored Watergate Think Tank in Washington D.C. - will be accompanying Cherie on this last, private leg of her visit. A double date with the President's twin daughters Jenna and Barbara is believed to be on the cards, depending on the outcome of recent rabies immunization jabs which the UK Foreign Office had insisted on him taking prior to his stint in the USA.
More news is expected tomorrow.