Written by Simon Saunders
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Tuesday, 13 March 2012

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A former News of the World journalist not doing phone hacking.

The former Sun and News of the World editor Rebekah Brooks has been arrested again by police investigating the phone hacking scandal.

It is believed that police turned up at her Oxfordshire home at 6am this morning primarily so they could catch Brooks in her sexy nightie but also to make sure she was in.

Last summer, Brooks, 43, who only marries people with k's in their surname, was nicked on suspicion of phone hacking and corruption. This time, ethical Becky as she's now known, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to pervert the course of justice.

The police, who have done a wonderful job of investigating the phone hacking scandal, would not comment publicly on the latest developments. However, a police insider, who wishes to remain anonymous because we paid him, said, "She was asked some tough questions and fully co-operated. We now have some new, important evidence as a result of the hardball questioning. I can confirm that Brooks drinks coffee with milk and one sugar. She enjoys chocolate Hob-Nobs and does not dye her hair. These stunning admissions will help our enquiries."

Is she guilty of any crimes, we asked. The insider responded, "Well, if being a flame haired sex goddess is a crime then yes, she's guilty as charged! Seriously though, she denies being involved in any unlawful activities and we believe her. She's as innocent as the sweet baby Jesus. I doubt we'll pursue this because she's clearly done nothing wrong.

Brooks, who is rumoured to be able to breath fire and has allegedly eaten a number of her sexual partners after intercourse, was not available for comment as she was very busy not hacking phones or engaging in any illegal activity because she's a good girl.

We contacted her former boss, Rupert Murdoch and asked him what he thought of the news. A confused Mr Murdoch said, "I didn't do it. I didn't kill Robert Maxwell with a rolled up News of the World and then push him into the sea." We pointed out that we were referring to Rebekah Brooks. Murdoch, former star of 'The A-Team' and currently playing the lead role in 'The Murdoch Mysteries'said, "Sorry about that, I
just woke up and was having a terrible dream. Rebekah who? Never heard of her." He then hung up.

On a related note, Piers Morgan and his former Daily Mirror colleagues have been cleared of any hacking offences after proving that they were too stupid to use a phone, nevermind hacking one. However, Mr Morgan still stands accused of crimes against chat shows. A charge he vigourously denies.

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