A boxing match is to be held between David Cameron and Nicolas Sarkozy in Paris next week, a government spokesman informed us last night.
The fight is set to take place under the Arc De Triumph and has been sparked by revelations that the French government has been selling weaponry to British badgers in the run up to the cull which is due to start in the autumn.
The spokesman, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us that "David has had enough of Sarkozy's posturing and has decided that the only way to resolve the issue is to sock it to him in front of his voters."
"Why do they always have to side with the enemy?" The spokesman asked of the French. "They did it in the Falklands and now they're doing it in The Chilterns, too. We've got badger setts driving around in armoured tanks with riffles and rocket launchers. It's becoming an unmanageable situation and residents are getting very nervous. We had to send a bomb squad into Leighton Buzzard last weekend to rescue a farmer who'd stood on a land mine!"
Meanwhile, the general opinion within the French parliament is that Downing Street is overreacting.
"So what if we arm the badgers?" said Amadine du Barry of The Interior Ministry. "Somebody has to. The way the British are behaving, it's like they're barbarians! What have the badgers ever done to anybody? It's like they're Nazi Germany all over again. It's genocide, what they're doing!"
At this stage neither Premier has yet made a comment regarding the match, but judging by the ferocity of recent sparring sessions at European Summits, both will be fancying their chances.
"It's a great chance for Cameron to show the British public what he's really made of," reported a commentator for The Daily Mail. "If he can knock ten bells out of that French sissy, he'll win a landslide in 2015."
Tickets for the fight will be released on general sale at 9am on Friday. A hotly anticipated warm up match that will see The Klitschko Brothers take on John Prescott is set to be confirmed tomorrow.