Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 12 March 2012

image for 'Alien' remains found in Royal park 'thought to be Lord Lucan'
KGB double agent Lucan 'in bed with aliens' (but never soiled himself in front of Princess Margaret)

Edinburgh - Reports from Holyrood Palace tonight said the fugitive MI6/KGB double agent was known for his dead letter drop rendezvous near Salisbury Crags where some newly discovered bones are thought to be those of the missing Irish peer.

Lucan vanished in 1974 after screwing up badly at the Claremont Club's craps tables leaving behind a bloody trail of a murdered nanny, a dumbstruck estranged wife and kids and massive gambling debts to make the Old Queen Mum blush with disbelief.

The area where the remains were found used to be notorious in the 1970s for its UFO rat runs - deemed by NATO Intelligence to have been the undercover double agent's penetration mission before he famously vamooshed off the radar in a puff of lethal smoke 'n' Daily Mirrors.

UK TV news coverage this evening showed the rocky outcrop where the discovery was made, now hurriedly cordoned off by the Scottish Coroner's Orifice amid reports that Ray Santilli 'might suddenly swoop down on them for an impromptu al fresco alien autopsy'.

Unlikely, but you never know.

"Lucan may well have been spying for the Bolsheviks," the MoD's top alien specialist Brigadier Sir Monty Batsnutz commented during the News, "he may have even been in bed with some of these 'alien' johnnies given the frankly homoerotic appeal of that luscious dark mustache of his...

"Still, at least he never soiled himself in front of Princess Margaret... unlike some we know who watched the Apollo Moon landings live on the telly at Buckingham Palace, eh?"

Lady Lucan is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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