Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 12 March 2012

A Russian tourist has drowned on his first day in Northumberland.

Ilav Anuvva was visiting one of Newcastle's famous breweries, when he fell into a huge vat of brown ale.

According to some bystanders, Mr Annuva had been leaning over, trying to scoop up a bucketful of 'free ale'. His wife said he was feeling a bit thirsty, after recently devouring a huge 'full English breakfast, with extra beans'.

Brewery workers were alerted, but when they saw and heard Mr Annuva farting explosively, they backed off, gasping for breath. Rescuers wearing breathing apparatus finally managed to recover Mr Annuva's body from the vat.

The Newcastle brewery is now promoting a new brand of ale 'with a Russian flavour'. But some regular customers reckon it is 'a bit gassy'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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