Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 10 March 2012

image for Britain's Top Tosser Breaks Wrist
Theatre Awaits Shuttlecock's Wanking Fracture

In a stunning volte face regarding stories containing smutty innuendo and double entendres, top satirical website thespoof.com today ran a story about Britain's Biggest Wanker breaking his wrist in an unfortunate onanistic accident, as he was lobbing one over the knuckle in the bath.

Whilst enjoying an erotic fantasy about Denise Welch and Carol Vorderman out of Loose Women on daytime TV enjoying a bit of girl on girl action somewhere up a back alley off Walton Breck Road in Liverpool.

Third rate Spoofer, and Britain's top tosser, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, explained that he wasn't proud of his actions, but offered the excuse that his concentration was sidetracked as Loose Woman, Carol McGiffen intruded on his fantasy by appearing out of nowhere and started licking Denise Welch's furiously thrusting arse buttocks.

When Jane McDonald appeared, stark naked, save for a strap-on, Shuttlecock apparently lost it, and his hand slipped off and catastrophically collided with the cold water tap.

Which occasioned both radius and ulna to become shattered.

A repentant Shuttlecock, waiting in reception at the Queen Alexandra Hospital in Portsmouth for x-rays, told reporters:

"The wife'll fucking kill me if she hears about this. Please don't say owt."

Yeah. Fat chance. Wanker!

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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