Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Death

Saturday, 10 March 2012

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Definitely Not Breathing - A Dead Bloke Last Wednesday Somewhere In Cambodia

The results of a 'fascinating'* study by students at UOL revealed something that most people probably already knew, but equally probably weren't probably consciously aware of.

Probably.

Viz a viz:

Following a comprehensive study of sixteen thousand corpses, the study discovered that - contrary to popular belief - dead men do many things, although in most instances, they don't do it very well.

The study revealed that dead men do occasionally wear plaid, (Usually when they're buried wearing kilts.) and that thanks to the wonders of modern day forensic science, dead men actually do tell tales.

One thing that the majority of dead men excel at, according to UOL students - is stinking to high heaven, especially in a hot, humid climate.

But not all dead men stink. Even when they emit post mortem flatulence.

Mummified dead men are supposedly a bit whiffy, but they don't quite stink sufficiently to make the average person gag.

Generally speaking.

In fact, according to the study, the only common bond between the sixteen thousand corpses, was that not a single one was breathing. Despite overwhelming odds of sixteen thousand to one against.

"It was an interesting study," said UOL's Professor Morgan Feedman, a part time cannibal. "Of the sixteen thousand corpses we studied, the only thing they had in common was that none of them were breathing, and they'd all stopped drinking and smoking immediately prior to death. So, in conclusion, I think it's safe to say that if you want to live longer, keep on drinking and smoking and don't forget to breathe."

Sound advice there, from Prof Feedman - who denied eating half a buttock of a dead Thai ladyboy from Bangkok whilst conducting the study.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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