Written by IainB
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Thursday, 8 March 2012

image for Solar flare disrupts Sky TV
The Solar Flare has disrupted repeats the world over

Couch potatoes across the UK were left without their daily dose of Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women as a solar flare bathed the Earth knocking out Sky's Astra satellite.

The several million mile long stream of high energetic particles from the sun travelling at nearly a hundredth of the speed of light started streaming past the Earth early Thursday morning. As well as Sky TV the less important GPS, telecommunications and Earth Watch satellites were also temporarily disabled.

"Obviously very few people rely on the weather or satellite navigation," said professor of media studies at Manchester University, Brian Cocks. "It is the loss of the television satellites that are really hurting."

With planes crashing, people getting hopelessly lost or caught up in bad weather and ships running aground the loss of the television satellites has meant that none of this has received any news coverage.

"It's a tragedy on a scale never previously imagined," said Cocks. "All of these world shattering events going on, and nobody can see it on twenty-four hour news channels."

With the loss of satellite phones and internet relay satellites hampering the delivery of signals from the disaster areas, it has meant that even television channels that do not rely on satellites, such as BBC4, cannot get pictures of the events unfolding around the world.

With most people in blissful ignorance of falling planes and sinking ships, their only concern is that their Sky Plus Box is no longer recording the re-run of Downton Abbey.

Sky have apologised on all their channels for a disruption to the service, but nobody has been able to see this apology. Instead, they get mainly static. This has not stopped one fifth of the British viewing public from watching television, as the static has a higher entertainment value than their normal fare.

"I must admit," said dedicated couch potato, Larry Dharse, "I was a bit dubious about this twenty-four hour coverage of the echo of the Big Bang, but it's got quite engrossing lately."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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