Written by Joe Leff
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Wednesday, 7 March 2012

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Lorries accounted for one-in-five crashes involving typists, according to a study of traffic accidents in Central London. Typists were also more likely to be injured in mid-sentence than any others on the roads.

Researchers have observed marked increases in the numbers of pedestrians using portable keyboards as they cross busy roads. Expert multi-taskers can also hold a phone conversation in one hand whilst typing e-mails on an I-Pad with the other hand, whilst hurrying across tricky inter-sections.

Dr. Bertie Qwerty, Typing Trauma Research Fellow at the Central Business School, said "Overall, increasing typing in our cities is beneficial - especially with new developments in multi-tasking. But the risk of injury as you go about your business along busy roads and streets remains a major deterrent."

Dr Qwerty is right to raise these concerns. As I type this, I think I can hear a lorry approaching behind me. Oh - shi………

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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