In a sensational breaking news story, it can finally be revealed that over the weekend, local man Martin Shuttlecock, actually introduced Spoof Godfather, Colonel Juan, to legendary south coast kebab and burger tycoon, Ali Bullo.
Although only over the telephone.
Shuttlecock revealed that he was chatting to the Colonel on Sunday about the upcoming football fixture between Tottenham Hotspur and Manchester United at White Hart Lane (Which United won 3-1) when Ali Bullo arrived completely unexpectedly and unannounced on a social call.
It was at that point that Shuttlecock decided it might be a good idea to introduce the two, as Ali Bullo features in bestselling book compilation, The Dorking Review, which Colonel Juan also contributed to.
Thinking with uncharacteristic clarity for a Sunday, following a heavy night on the black absinthe, Shuttlecock thrust the phone into Ali Bullo's hand and instructed him to say 'hello.'
A startled Ali Bullo, a Fenerbahce supporter, took the phone, and in a state of bewilderment mumbled something to Colonel Juan before handing the phone back as if it was a red hot rock.
Shuttlecock then informed an equally bewildered Colonel Juan that he had just spoken to the legendary Ali Bullo, thus proving that Ali Bullo is a real person, and not merely the figment of a tortured imagination.
Since the incident, Colonel Juan has flatly refused to take Shuttlecock's calls, and insists that his one time friend has "gone completely doolally."
Ali Bullo is currently making personal appearances at a kebab shop in Portchester, but since the humiliating incident has started charging Shuttlecock the full price for his kebab orders.
"What that all about?" Ali Bullo remarked. "Him gone bladdy bonkers innit."
"It was a slow weekend," Shuttlecock explained. "We didn't go for a pub lunch this week, so we didn't see some cerebrally challenged nutter in the beer garden shouting 'Sausages!' repeatedly. What can you do?"
Long suffering wife, Anne refused to comment on the incident, although she did roll her eyes and shake her head in disgust.
More as we get it.