The most ingenious computer hacker in the history of the world has tonight been revealed as a political figure who strikes fear at the heart of all Tories, and laughs in the face of the Lib Dems.
Yes, that's right, Sabu has been revealed as Ed Miliband, leader of the British Anti-zombie resistance movement, and the best Labour Party Leader this country has ever seen. Ed accidentally revealed this fantastic fact after facing criticism on a Radio Five Live phone in. In a fit of anger and rage he declared, "I am Sabu, and I am going to strike down the next person who criticizes me with a DOS that will make the Sony hit look like it was done with a Spectrum 48K"
He then backed away from his claim by disowning the words that actually emerged from his mouth. He said the words had been a transmitted broadcast by the FBI who were using his metal tooth fillings as a Radio transmitter to broadcast anti-anonymous propaganda to the world in order to discredit the anonymous movement.
Ed's brother David, however, said. "He hasn't got any metal tooth fillings. I believe that proves he is the real sabu. And...he did own a Spectrum 48K back in the 80s...and a rubix cube...and a pirate flag, like the ones seen on the Lulzsec boat."
Upon hearing this evidence against him, Ed said that David is just jealous he never won the labour leadership election...and that Ed always got better scores on Manic Miner than David did.
By Katarina Frogpond.