Written by Simon Saunders
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Topics: Letters, Bees, torquay

Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for Babbacombe Man In Bee-Keeping Balls-Up
A bee. Or is it a wasp? We're not the only people who are confused.

A man from Babbacombe, Torquay, has become involved in a bee-keeping furore that has caused confusion and outtrage among local residents.

Bobby Babbington, 52, who lives in Alphabet Lane, Babbacombe, began b-keeping as a hobby and has amassed a collection of around 500,000 b's in the last three years, much to the dismay of Babbacombe residents.

A clearly confused Mr Babbington explained, "I have always loved b's. So when I heard about their declining numbers I thought I'd do my bit to help. " The madman continued, "I bought myself a b hive off of B-bay and all the gear I would need to do it properly. I don't know what all the fuss is about to be honest. All the kids from the local infants school have seen my b hive and it's helped them with their literacy development. Just ask the headmistress, Beth Beattie."

Bubba Beeby of the Babbacombe B's Brigade (B.B.B) , complained, " This loony should be locked up for everyone's sake. B keeping is barbaric. It is basically letter brutality and we don't accept that sort of behaviour round these parts. B's should only be used for their true purpose in life, being used in words."

It is believed that Mr Babbington's obsession with b's developed very early in his life, a condition known as bementia.

His wife, Bea, confirmed these rumours, "My husband has always been obsessed
with b's. It may have something to do with his name. When I met him it wasn't a problem, but gradually his obsession became worse. We only moved to Babbacombe on my husband's insistence. I was quite happy living in Bolton, but there aren't enough b's there for my husband's liking. After moving here three years ago my husband started collecting b's in his spare time. The next thing I knew he had taken all the b's down from the signs round here. It's a nightmare for drivers. The butcher and baker weren't best pleased either, they must have spent thousand's replacing the b's on their signs. Eventually he demanded that I stop using b's in my name because he wanted them. As you can imagine, it was pretty embarrassing introducing myself to people as Ea Aington. They all thought I was a bit simple."

We pointed out to Mr and Mrs Babbington that bee-keeping actually meant keeping the little buzzing, black and yellow insects. Mr Babbington reacted badly by throwing his collection of b's down the drain and shouting, "Why did nobody tell me this before? I feel like a bloody fool now. I blame my wife!" We asked why he blamed his wife, he bellowed, "It's easier to blame her than to take responsibility for my own confused actions." Mrs Babbington didn't offer a comment.

*Please note that no b's were harmed in the writing of this idiotic article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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