Local man and former Dorking resident, Martin Shuttlecock, a dashing 27 year old lion tamer, with a baldy head, and some of his own teeth, now based in Titchfield, today revealed that he had received a marriage proposal from a potential bunny boiler.
Over the internet.
A shocked Shuttlecock related, as he delicately sipped from a cup of Thai green tea, that the marriage proposal had come completely out of the blue, and that he found the development somewhat disturbing.
Seeing as how he is already living in a state of wedded bliss, and that.
"I got this eMail," Shuttlecock revealed. "It said: 'I love you and I fink your ace. Will you marry me?'"
Being naturally suspicious, Shuttlecock immediately consulted the FBI's Behavioral Sciences Unit website, at Quantico, Virginia, where according to leading profiler, Edward Gein, he discovered, much to his chagrin, that he was probably dealing with a bunny boiler.
Like that Glenn Close in that film with Michael Douglas, 'Fatal Attraction.'
"I wasn't having any of that," Shuttlecock announced. "I'm not having no wedding to some nut job. The wife'd go fucking mental if I got married again. Just like she did the last time."
Further enquiries revealed that Shuttlecock has received numerous unsolicited eMails from a source described by DCI Wesley Leek of the Internet Harrassment Squad, as "a right nutter - and probably a withered old crone to boot."
Shuttlecock's long suffering wife, Anne, told reporters:
"Truth is, he's an arsehole. But he's my arsehole. Not literally, but I'm sure you get my meaning. And he's my husband. Mine. Not anybody else's. And I'll fight anybody to the death for him. Even though he is basically a useless twat."
More Feb 29th twattism as we get it.