Written by Joe Leff
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Friday, 24 February 2012

image for Methane gas discovered up cow's arse
free heat from cow's arse

A herd of cattle could solve a Yorkshire village's heating problems.

Wetwang vet Rod Uppingham thought he'd located a massive supply of methane gas during a routine pregnancy test on a 5-year-old Friesian at a Wolds farm. Farmer's wife Iris Niffem had heard the cow farting excessively and emitting 'unusual smells'.

To confirm his diagnosis, the vet contacted local plumber Ted Smithy, who used his blow-torch to test the 'gas'.

"This is good news," said farmer Walter Niffem. "It's like high-density calor gas. All mature cows in the rest of the herd are being checked out. This business could really take off with a bang. I think we'll call it 'CowsArseGarse', and then we might be able to sell it to 'posh' people."

"We'll save a fortune on gas cylinders," said his wife. "Neighbours are already asking if they can borrow one of our cows for their summer BBQs."

"And there'll be no more cold winter nights," said Farmer Niffem. "We'll just have a box of matches, and all sit together round a cow's arse."

Meanwhile, Mr Smithy (the plumber) is still in hospital recovering from 2nd degree burns.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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