Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

image for Frank Lampard and Christine Bleakley To Wed In Mayo?
In mayo?

Excitement is growing in the condiments community over speculation that Chelsea star Frank Lampard is to wed his TV presenter squeeze Christine Bleakley in mayonnaise later this year.

Rumours that the wedding will take place at Ashford Castle, Cong, have been rife since before Christmas and when the influential condiment industry organ Mayo News contacted the hotel a spokeswoman refused to confirm or deny that the couple would be wearing mayonnaise.

Ms Bleakley, who is from Antrim, is understood to wish to marry in Ireland, but experts are unsure why.

Said EIF News & Features food correspondent, Paula Laminate: "I'm not sure why Ireland - there's no particular tradition of mayo manufacture there that I know of.

"Helmann's, of course, is a Unilever brand and they claim it came to the UK and Ireland from New York. I can only assume that perhaps a member of Christine's Antrim family is particularly good at making it.

"I would just say they would need to shower it off sharpish after the ceremony as it's going to get rank pretty quickly - especially if it's a sunny day."

A spokesman for Ireland Tourist Information said: "You stupid git. Shove off and stop wasting my time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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