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Saturday, 4 March 2006

image for God considering legal action over Blair invasion claim
God's lawyers speculate on source of muffled sounds in Downing St bedroom

The British Government was last night reported to be engaged in last ditch attempts to avert a diplomatic crisis between Heaven and 10 Downing street following claims by British Prime Minister Tony Blair that God himself had personally ordered the liberation of the Iraqi oilfields during a prayer session conducted at the request of the
Prime Minister in his pyjamas before bedtime.

Lawyers representing God had attempted to seek an injunction preventing the transmission of a broadcast on national television in which Tony Blair is said to reveal sensitive information regarding conversations held with the Deity at the bottom of Blair's bed with the prime ministers hands clasped together while his eyes were tightly shut, but were thwarted at the last minute by the recently passed Freedom of Bad Public Relations Act which now permits British Premiers full access to all available means of bad publicity.

God's legal team were still said to be defiant despite their failure to prevent Mr Blair appearing on a prime time chat show, which is often broadcast after his bedtime, but are claiming that they still hold the moral high ground regardless of claims to the contrary by Downing Street "Don't forget God invented the moral high ground to start with" said a member of Gods legal team " There are still legal loopholes that could be exploited if necessary or God might decide that enough is enough and send a big bolt of lightening out of the end of his fingers into Tony while he's telling lies on air, but we're still hoping that things can be settled amicably without resorting to spectacular biblical style special effects "

However, Downing Street was quick to refute the claims made by God's legal team that Tony Blair had revealed sensitive information about personal conversations between the prime minister and the lord almighty "We don't deny that preliminary discussions may have taken place at some point in the past regarding Iraq and the liberation of its oppressed oilfields, possibly between Tony and someone he was talking to in his bedroom one night, but he could have been talking to anybody, his wife maybe" claimed an aide seeking a knighthood.

The Downing Street claims were immediately condemned by God's lawyers "God's Prayer records show that a prayer did in fact take place with Mr Blair but the exact contents are still sub judice so we can't comment further until judgement day comes "

Asked whether God had conversations with other world leaders a spokesman for Heaven was much more forthcoming "Sure. We receive prayers all the time up here from prominent politicians looking for guidance on earthly matters. We still get nuisance calls from kids calling themselves George or Osama but we just hang up when we recognize their voice"

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