Written by Vatican McDowell
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Topics: Gary Glitter, abuse

Friday, 3 March 2006

image for Glitter in incomprehensible right-wing riddle Lucan gibberish.
All that glitters is not gold.

March 2nd, 2006-for Gary Glitter, this was the day the laughter died. His stellar career reels today from twin blows-the guilty verdict in his Vietnamese child abuse trial and the banning of his autobiographical new book "Gary Glitter: A life in pictures" under the Obscene Publications Act (2003).

But we here at the Daily Male have uncovered evidence that could be about to deal the killer blow to this man, now considered in the eyes of the British public to be no better than a grasping asylum seeker or a recently married lesbian.

Using the latest photographic techniques, we have compared images of Glitter with the last known pictures of the fugitive peer Lord Lucan-and found some startling results. Using a LUr1d Speculation-o-graph, and a PANDA (the nickname for the recently updated Pandering to Right Wing Idiots Machine) we have revealed that there is an (0.) 99% percent chance that Britain's previous most evil monster and Britain's current most evil monster are one and the same.

We at the Daily Male are driven by public duty to ask-what does this mean for immigration policy? If this Labour government FAILED to spot that these two beasts were one and the same animal, how can they be expected to stop hordes of immigrants pouring in from Sangatte like so many coloured rats.

We put this to Charles Clarke, with typical Labour arrogance he tried to dismiss the question with the retort "What? What the hell are you talking about? This is ludicrous, non-sensicial rubbish".

Later after having presumably considered the pictures and our evidence through one of the aforementioned PANDA machines, the Home Office issued a statement: "The Home Office recognises the seriousness of the idea that a disgraced musician could also be the same person as a missing, aristocratic murder suspect.

Again we see demonstrated the need for ID cards to prevent instances of this nature appearing again and to safeguard those freedoms our ancestors beat the Germans twice for. God save the Queen and God Bless the Daily Male".

This still leaves some questions unanswered though; is a Romanian immigrant working for pennies an hour waiting tables really a threat to the jobs of our middle-class readership? Could there be an escaped rapist about to violate a member of your family even as you read this article? It stands to reason that if Lord Lucan can pose as Gary Glitter for all these years, surely he could escape from jail disguised as another notorious figure? Hitler? Princess Diana? Shergar?

The only answer is to issue all horses and Jockey's with ID cards and tattoo's on their arms/fetlocks for identification, isn't this the
only way to stop more outrages from the likes of Lucan/Glitter and the peddlars of immoral gay marriages? We put these questions to the Home Office who agreed to set up a select comittee to investigate and issued the following statement; "Mmmm, yeah OK sure".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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