Prime Minister David Cameron has come under fire for proposing a tax on buttocks. His suggestion has been ridiculed as "like a pole tax, but double".
In the proposal, citizens would be taxed per buttock. This is particularly unfair on those with an extra one, such as Martha Standing from Brighton. "For people like me who are Triassic, it's really unfair. I'd have to pay 50% more than anyone else."
Others have suggested that some cunning taxpayers may have a buttock removed to avoid paying the full amount. Dr Jerome Rumper of Bradford has said he would be happy to offer his patients a free buttock removal - for a small fee. However he foresees problems: "It'll be like China in the 1970s when they enforced a one-buttock policy. Lots of people will keep falling off their chairs. Buses will need redesigning. And that's before you even consider the buttock mountain that will be produced. But if someone pays me to cut it off I'll do it - that's my motto."
Mr Cameron will consult with his advisers before attempting to introduce it. It is likely he will not bother, as this policy really is half-assed.