London - Rupert Murdoch said today his new Sunday organ will be staffed with 10 journalists 'who have never been caught in any hacking scandal'.
The NewsCorpse red top will be edited by a well-known beautiful woman noted for her sharp wit, endearing populist agenda and access to the rich and famous. (Who dat? -'Ed')
"She'll have to pass a rigorous DNA test proving no Murdoch genome lurks behind a glam exterior," Wapping Father-of-Chapel Dave McHacker commented as news of the publication spread.
So far no fiery red-heads are in the frame on account of, er, unfinished police business.
The new rag will be launched in time for the Diamond Jubilee and will greatly boost the Queen's sinking fund with a handsome donation to tart up her crumbling Palace roof.
Andy Coulson is (still) 69.