Liverpool - A trip to a Scouser dry bar in Liverpool city center has been fixed up by some moronic puppet master pulling the Palace's Valentine's Day strings.
Tuesday's visit by Kate Middleton is flummoxing Merseyside teetotallers who reckon she should stick to the local needle exchange like all House of Windsor skagheads before her.
"Be honest, chuck, of all the places in the world is Liverpool really your Valentine's Day dream?" CrystalMethBob tweeted from his Toxteth bedsit as news of the visit spread on the net.
"That blasted Cherie Blair is behind this nonsense," AngryHumbugBlaster posted on the FrightMinds.con website that outs impostors hiding behind ermine.
The Parr Street, Liverpool 1 nightery is apparently delighted at the visit which 'could encourage another half million Liverpudlians into getting on the wagon' if publicity blurbs are to be believed.
A pint of Mild (straight glass) at the George Canning is still a bargain 99p.