Local Man and One Time Failed Evangelist, Seaton Carew (42), today revealed that he is the recent recipient of the good news that he has been waiting so long for.
Unfortunately, the wannabe wastrel had to wait no time at all for a bout of bad news to follow, continuing the run of mediocre luck that has beleaguered him since an early age.
Apparently Carew, a local man from a small town near Hartlepool, has just been informed that he is soon to be back in gainful employment following a spell of laziness that has resulted in several bank accounts being hit rather forcefully. The employment is a blessing as the wolves were starting to gather around the 1960's thespian throwback's door, a creature not seen in the North East for over two hundred years and one that was rumoured to have caused David Attenborough's brother to think about making the journey to the ravaged coastline to witness the event.
A spokesman for Attenborough's brother's chauffeur's wife was reported to have claimed that her husband's employer's sibling had suggested the trip to make sure they weren't merely escapees from the local zoo, sixty-five miles away.
The bad news, however, is that the offered employment is in the South West of the country, which means the fiercely local man will be forced to become local in an alternative locality.
A bewildered Carew told us, "It does, of course, mean I shall have to up sticks and venture on another adventure. Hopefully this one will be more successful than the previous ones, but that's a story for another day."
On a positive note, moving from the North East to the South West means that not only are all four points of the compass covered but hopefully it will be too far for the wolves to follow unaided.