Written by Ricardo Blue
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Topics: Derek Acorah

Friday, 10 February 2012

image for Derek Acorah attacked by Rod Hulls spirit in midnight séance

Derek Acorah was recovering in hospital last night after being ferociously attacked during an attempt to contact the late and slightly eccentric children's entertainer Rod Hull. Derek was admitted into Hospital around 1:00am suffering from multiple bite marks and lacerations to his face, arms and torso. He was said to be stable but in considerable shock and discomfort.

The ordeal began sometime after midnight at the former home of Mr Hull's in Winchelsea near Wye. A witness to the ordeal described it as a totally unprovoked and aggressive attack by something resembling a dark giant bird shape shadow. "It all happened so fast" said Maurine Sackleworth who was attending the séance. "One minute Derek was speaking and asking if anybody was there? And the next he was being thrown around the room like a rag doll."

Another witness 63 year old Ernie Bernett said "it was pretty dark and fairly spooky, I remember that one of the guests who was taking part in the séance made the remark that Mr Hull had always reminded him of the bloke from Willy Wonka films, no sooner had he said it all hell broke loose."

"There was definitely something in the room with us that night" continued Ernie "I could feel its breath on the back of my neck. It flew at Derek at a terrific rate of knots and catapulted him across the floor. Derek then seemed to get himself around the throat with one hand whilst appearing to battle with the invisible attacker with the other. I'm an ex soldier and have seen some pretty frightening stuff in my time, but nothing prepares you for that kind of freaky shit! If the truth be told, I haven't had a wink of sleep since"

A spokesman for the Acorah stable said "Derek's fine, a little rattled by the whole experience but he's a tough old nut and sure to be up and about soon. We're not exactly sure what's taken place really, in this line of work there's always the chance you're gonna come across the odd rogue spirit that can turn a little nasty. But there's also the possibility that for some reason Rod's own spirit itself has decided to have a go at Derek. He was a big Man Utd fan was Rod, in fact he died trying to fix the aerial on his roof during a champions league game. Maybe the mere fact that Derek played and supports Liverpool was enough for Rod to attack him?"

"It's a funny old game is the spirit world, although it's made a lot less funny when something like this happens!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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