Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 9 February 2012

image for No state funeral as Mrs Thatcher 'vows to go private'
Feigning symptoms when cops come a-knocking ...

London - A Sellafield recycling dump has been earmarked for scattering the horrid harridan's ashes in an updated funeral plan released today.

Austere economic times have crushed Tory dreams of a state send-off with a a low profile toasting at Golders Green Crem now looking inevitable.

It means the money saved from an all-bells-and-whistled public funeral can now be donated to worthwhile causes - like various funds for the victims of General Pinochet's myriad genocidal flings.

The two old Fascists were best mates with Mrs T famously taking umbrage at the Generalissimo's house arrest following his London arrest in 1998.

These days she's holed up in her Chester Square grace and favor pile, feigning dementia symptoms each time the Met comes knocking on her door to ask questions 'about this and that'.

Last week her 'meals on wheels' delivery service saw the return of copious silver platters back to The Ritz amid claims of 'bugs' inside the coronation chicken.

A lifelong paranoia about snooping spooks once saw her bin hundreds of pounds of exotic orchids from her No 10 office on security fears.

Apparently someone had successfully pulled her leg that the flowers' pollen grains were in fact Mossad listening devices.

Jeffrey Archer is 104.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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