London - Journalists at the Corporation have been barred from calling the grossly obese - such as bankers - 'fat cats' after some City big wigs lost a bit of weight over January.
The move follows a complaint from a once portly RBS director who pointed out today he's lost over an inch from his arse AND has foregone a $1 million annual bung.
Another well known personality - thought to be female entertainer with at least three double chins - said she was boyling (sic) over with rage at an unjust 'extremely fat' slur ahead of a singing stint for the Diamond Jubilee.
Meanwhile at the Palace official royal website crawlers denied they've airbrushed nearly 85 years of HM's lardarse after she chomped her way through some £60 million of taxpayer-funded Happy Meals.
"It's simply wrong to call the Queen a fat extremist," Keeper of the Royal Privy Lord Luce-Cannon commented today.
"There have been times in her life when Her Majesty was as slender as a leaf - admittedly that was nearly 80 years ago but hey! Whatever!"
Abu Qatada weighs 25 stone.