Written by neandercarl
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Topics: Hell

Monday, 27 February 2006

image for Harry Hell! Comedian Harry Lodged In Sea Bed
HILL: Had to eat his own eyeball to survive

The career of beloved comedian Harry Hill, real name Dr. Harry Hill, took an ironically surreal twist yesterday as it emerged that the star of ITV1's Harry Hill's TV Burp, has admitted that his career may effectively be "over" after a fishing accident left him reeling, entrapped within the realms of the Atlantic Ocean.

Hill was last seen leaving port at Land's End last Thursday, and left the nation mystified when he failed to return. Three weeks later, he was found embedded in the clutches of the deep waters. One of his feet had become entrapped in the sea bed on the shores of a desert island. He managed to stay alive by tearing out and eating one of his own eyeballs. In an interview, from his beloved boat SSS Clitoris, Hill admitted, "this could be a career-threatening situation. I can no longer do all the things I once did. I have a new responsibility. God has entrapped me in the sea, for reasons best known unto Himself, and I must live with this. My eye is gone, which is why I scrunch up my face so.
However, being a comedian, I look on the bright side of even the darkest situations. I have been plagued by barnacles. I never know when the tide might come in and drown my sorry ass. I live life one tide at a time. It is a tragic irony that both of my feet have been lodged like this."

With a sly grin and a cheeky wink, Hill proceeded to lift one foot out of the murky waters. "Not really, but the power of suggestion!"

Harry began his TV career in 1994 with Harry Hill's Fruit Fancies on BBC2. He later starred in Saturday Live and Channel Four's The Harry Hill Show, before finding mainstream fame with TV Burp and You've Been Framed. Last night, industry peers were rallying behind the beloved comic. Dame Edna Everage praised Hill as a "human being" and Jeremy Beadle said that he would be prepared to travel all the way to the island to lend Hill a hand. Former EastEnders extra Big Ron had nothing to add, as he died several years ago.

NEWS UPDATE!!!!


Since this interview took place, Harry Hill has unfortunately drowned. A documentary, praising the late Harry Hill, called Praising The Late Harry Hill: A Documentary, will be shown on ITV1 in a few years time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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