Written by D Agnew
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Wednesday, 1 February 2012

image for Deadly snow forcast - Boffins confirm link with seasons
Deadly snow

Met office boffins today release an extreme weather warning as the nation readies its self for another battle with mother nature.

Top met office scientist Prof Andrew Swanker said today "we now have enough data to prove there is a correlation between cold weather six months after June" It has now been proven and replicated in the lab that the cold weather is responsible for snow. And further more, the cold weather affects temperature- again a huge factor in the development of snow.

The shocking news that killer snow is on the way comes as no surprise to Helen Grundy a self confessed white witch who forecasts weather by disembowelling cats and reading the intestines. "the signs have been coming for a while" she said from her flea infested council flat.

The people most at risk from this killer snow are the very old, the sick and people caught in avalanches. Its not just the energy sapping cold that makes snow deadly. "Its also quite slippy" said a scientist at the Met office "and its possible to stab someone to death with an icicle" he added.

The government issued the following extreme weather advice: Only travel if absolutely necessary. Make sure your car has blankets, shovels and wheels before setting off. If you are caught in a snow storm the official advice is to gather all the deadly snow into 'men' like shapes so people can avoid it.

Prof Swanker added "its not all doom and gloom, were expecting global warming to fry the earth to a cinder shortly."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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