Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Dogs, pets

Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Dark matter discovered in Yorkshire town - council cuts crap on night time dog fouling
"It's a minefield out there!"

Huddersfield Council in northern England are fed up to the teeth of complaints about nocturnal emissions of the canine kind. It seems that people are allowing their best friends to litter the pavements with dog logs.

Theresa Green, an ex-peace campaigner of Greenham Common, but now town councillor for Huddersfield, told Inseine News: "this part of the Yorkshire has become a no-go area at night and in the morning it becomes a minefield for people in wheelchairs, parents pushing prams and blind people to negotiate. It has already cost the council several thousand pounds in compensation - It's got to stop!" she said.

"We have already tried several things to combat this problem; first of all we tried giving our dog wardens extra portions of carrots to help them to see in the dark but this was not really cost-effective because there is no scientific proof in this Old Wives Tale."

"Next, we asked a dog food manufacturer to create a food which caused their excreta to fluoresce in the dark (à la Predator) and although it was a resounding success, we will have to wait for several months for the necessary health and safety certificates and EU licences to come through. We need to get into production NOW! Time is just not on our side!"

"We have now come into the 21st century and so now we are going to try night-vision goggles. We managed to buy three pairs from a ministry of defence auction at a bargain price of £750 each (err, well actually we managed to buy 2 and get 1 free!) which means that we will only have to fine 20 people £75 each, and the goggles will have paid for themselves."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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